Tag: Father John Misty

Mahashmashana: Rambling Review

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Earlier this year, little blips on social media had me under the impression that new music was on the way from Father John Misty. When the Greatest Hits record was announced that featured a new single, I dismissed any further expectations that we’d see more music anytime soon, much less within the same calendar year. I found the follow up announcement of a full length LP quite the surprise. Won’t find me complaining, as Mahashmashana satisfies an itch with which I’d decided to simply live.

I came for the bite. Tillman’s scathing criticism laid out in lyrical observation brought me to the table with his 2017 record, Pure Comedy, yet I stayed for love songs capable of moving me. The crossroads of those two topics are a profound return to form that is comforting…and yet this direction feels like a place I haven’t been before.

The songwriting platitudes of indie folk-rock coupled with the smooth sensibilities of 70s pop comes at an intersection where Tillman shines brightest in spite of the often bleak lyrical content. It’s the juxtaposition of his bleakness with the relatable warmth of love and enduring curiosity that encompasses an experience that is both magical and true to life in the same moment.

The opening track, Mahashmashana, speaks on romance where one lover has passed away. Our subject is said to visit her lover twice a week, yet it took me a couple listens to understand her visits were to mahashmashana, which roughly translates to ‘great cremation ground.’ The conclusion of this song brings me to tears, as contemplating the finality of all things becomes a weight that presses me for an emotional reaction. To hear Tillman describe that, “They have gone the way of all flesh/And what was found is lost/Yes it is…” is a sentiment that has overwhelmed me more than once.

The instrumental composition of Josh Tillman and the Accidental Dose offers remarkable movements, as dynamics are used in the mix to highlight the uncertainty that accompanies the use of hallucinogens. In a performative style that reminds one of Lou Reed, Tillman admits that he “was treating acid with anxiety.” It terms of musicality and overall flow, it may be my favorite song on the record.

One such complication that comes with the territory of hallucinogenic drug use is one of self-reflection that can result in growth, but often offers little more than lost innocence. At the conclusion of this track, Tillman states, “I ate an ice cream/dazed in the street/but it never tastes quite as sweet/again…” This imagery and realization of time having passed and something lost (ice cream reflecting innocence of youth?) is a daunting thing to consider when I was once convinced I’d live forever.

I learned a new word while listening to Mental Health. A panopticon is, “a prison design concept created by J. Bentham in the 1700s (that) places prisoners’ cells around the outside of a circular design with a guard tower in the center.” This description of a particular style of prison then narrows focus to reveal the entire prison is…you. The question of identity and individual purpose is presented with music that feels like a sonic throwback to the theatrical heights of the 2022 record, Chloe and the Next 20th Century. The reflection, “The one regret that’s really pretty tough/Is knowing I didn’t go nearly far enough” enshrines the mood swing of an accomplished artist who feels it’s never quite satisfying, “For the true endeavor of your soul/To find the edge and, baby, go, go, go.” Our collective experiences in a hyper-individualistic culture are examined here in a way that reveals as much about you as it does about myself.

The final song, Summer’s Gone, breaks my heart with each listen, and reconfigures it with the healing properties of gratitude that comes with memory. It’s difficult to reconcile with the notion that, “against your will comes wisdom/and forty more years left ahead.” But the conclusion is so wonderful, as we pivot to some kind of hope…some optimism for having the memory at all, “but you eat a peach/or you skin your knee/and time can’t touch me.” That final line emerges from the tragic weight of what has been lost, and pushes back against the reflections made in the song about eating acid and ice cream. From this final moment I find myself suddenly grateful for every memory upon which I can reflect. The ice cream was wonderful…the sun that warmed me was beautiful…and the time we shared…all memories to be cherished while I still possess the faculties to remember. The highlights of memory…the peaks we chase…whether it’s the embrace of a lover, or the taste of an ice cream we had in youth…the impact lingers, and while memory informs us that it just isn’t like it was before, maybe that’s the veil of youth over our early experiences…I’m not sure anymore, but I am confident that because it must end, life is worth living…even if summer is gone and all that keeps me warm now are the memories of a life I appreciate.

Mahashmashana is my favorite record of 2024. A combination of the various musical strategies Tillman has applied to his songwriting over the years, there’s nothing here that feels stale or recycled. From compositions to lyrical content, may Tillman never peak. This record is worth a spin.

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Sometimes you need a wake up call. My goodness, life has been so complicated this last year…good stuff, but nonstop. Alexander was born in November of ‘21 with extensive complications that had him flighted to the NICU where he resided for the better part of the following month. After much physical therapy and the attention of watchful eyes, he’s approaching his first birthday as though nothing ever bothered him.

During his stint at the NICU, we stayed at the Ronald McDonald House in Columbus. I tried to pick up a novel, but found myself unable to entertain such a distraction at that time. I all but stopped reading. 

I started to see a therapist, which was nice for a bit. It took six months on a waiting list to start seeing someone, and now every session gets canceled by the other party…so I’ve accepted the system isn’t there to help me. Healthcare is broken in this place. 

I tried to start writing again around the new year…and for a little bit, it worked. I plotted out a story that I’d been preparing to compose, and drafted about 25k words before I had a shakeup at the day job that took away the bit of writing time I was able to carve out for myself. It included a promotion and bit more of a work/life balance, so I’m in no position to complain about it, but I’m hoping to get back to this novel as it gets cold outside. 

We bought a house, too. That was exciting. With Alex entering our lives, we needed more space than our apartment afforded us. This event wouldn’t have taken place without significant help from family, as grinding our bodies against the corporate machine in this bootstrap culture is simply not enough. 

All things considered, life has been good…so of course I slipped into a moderate depression. My wife has gone through the ringer with the complicated birth and the postpartum depression. It’s all been so…difficult. But dare I say it’s getting better? I’d like to think so. 

In September I took Lydia to see our first live music experiences since the pandemic removed that occasional joy from our lives. Father John Misty was such a delightful treat and the band was so sharp, they exceeded my expectations and I felt as though I’d returned to a long abandoned well to find it still held the capacity to sustain these broken yet loving hearts. Twelve days later we saw Nine Inch Nails in Cleveland. That too, brought a peculiar and wretched sort of joy that isn’t exclusive to me. 

Father John Misty in Columbus, Ohio

I’m less than a week away from my birthday. Last year I conjured a list of goals to complete by the time I turn 40, and in the first year of the list I accomplished nothing…and yet…

The growing family with good health…the purchase of our first home…reminders of how art impacts our lives…how good do I have it? I’m waking up to find all the quality life has to offer in my possession. I’ll try to not let it slip through my fingers, but any attempt to control/retain a solid grip is in vain. Life will continue to take me up and down, and I’ll make do with any given moment, as I always have. This post is meant to be a personal update. This insight to personal matters is how I explain my absence beyond the occasional noise I make on social media. Still here…hoping to make something happen. 

Nine Inch Nails in Cleveland, Ohio