I’ve exhausted the typical routes to earthly pleasure. Hedonism comes second only to self-destruction. Hard drugs? Whatev. Blood of virgins? I’ll tell you that it doesn’t preserve youth as well as I’d have liked. Horror movies? That’s where I found this most false refuge.

I’m a fan of the Hellraiser series. I’ve read The Hellbound Heart, and found that Clive Barker writes my kind of horror. For some reason I’ve watched all nine films. I recommend the initial trilogy. If you’re into punishing yourself I recommend them all.

Stumbling through a series of sites I was thrilled to have found Lemarchand’s box. The stained wood and etched brass offers a sleek appearance. Searching for the space that would allow me to open the box I found only slick surface. I was confused. I carried upon my will the intent to solve the Lament Configuration, summon the Cenobites, and subject myself to all of the pleasures of spiritual suffering… but it was not to be.

Once I had discovered that I was in possession of a replica I wrote a strongly worded letter, to which I received no reply. Now I’ll take my complaints to the internet. I SHOULD BE IN SOME VERSION OF HELL, but I’m still here… The box now rests in my bookcase, and serves as a beautiful and constant reminder of a fantasy.

Now that I think further on it I may have gotten the real thing, solved it, and this reality is what I get…

All kidding aside, it’s a beautiful piece of work. Fans of the Hellraiser series should do themselves a favor and check out The Puzzle Box Maker.